Long-lost

Hey Blog,

I know, I've been bad. Three months with no posts. It's not that I didn't think of you. I had lots of interesting ideas about which I might have spouted, but I guess my attention has been elsewhere.

August and September were pretty much unspeakable. For about six weeks, we were pretty sure my mother was having a recurrence of cancer. Looking back, I'm not sure how I spent my time during those days. I guess I was at my parents' house a lot. When I did go home, I didn't do anything, not even watch TV. I think I wandered from room to room, pretending to clean things.

Well, we got a freebie. It wasn't cancer, and things are mostly back to normal now. It took some time to let go of the feeling of constant dread, like I was walking around terrified, with my eyes bugged out all the time.

Lots of good things have happened since then. I went to some parties and drove in a time-speed-distance rally, for which I placed "dead last but finished." I spent time with my closest friends, caught up with some of the long-lost ones and even made a few new ones. I made plans to travel and see other friends. I may get a promotion soon.

Over Thanksgiving break, I actually slept 8-10 hours a night. My stomach didn't hurt, and I found myself thinking about some things that really give me joy--cooking, yoga, fixing things in my house, hiking.

This last point is important, because lately too much of my energy has been consumed with pettiness and anger about situations and people beyond my control. Why is it so easy to get sucked into the negative story? I think it's the lure of the ongoing narrative. Also, much as I insist I'm not controlling, there are situations that bring it out in me.

Blah, blah, blah. Isn't it boring when people talk in generalities? Too bad I'm not going to dish the details.