Alpacas, here I come

Dear Blog,

Lately I find myself pondering the alpaca lifestyle. I used to say when I quit this job I'll become an organic beet farmer, but alpacas are so much more personable than beets.

Actually, the fact that I'm even writing means it's a better day than I've had in a while. How's The Project, you ask? Slow. Excrutiatingly slow. It's not that I don't have the man/womanpower. I have seven students ready to go, but they've spent much of the week waiting around for assignments.

An unusual malaise took hold of me. I assume it's afflicting our vendor as well, since they lost the ability to make progress or communicate with us. Have I mentioned we're now two weeks from launch?

So, the malaise. My three prevailing emotions these days are: 1) panic, 2) despair or 3) rage. My boss has this little color wheel in his office that's supposed to illustrate the stages of organizational change, from red to yellow to peaceful green. Turns out it's not the red pie piece (denial/disbelief) that's the really big problem. It's just as you start to round the corner into yellow (dicomfort) that you encounter the wedge called DANGER ZONE.

My boss and I agreed that danger zone is definitely where people slip off the wheel and land smack in alpaca farming. He may or may not realize how seriously I'm skirting the danger wedge.

Even though I feel five minutes from quitting about half the time, I know I can't. Mainly it's that thing about letting other people down and not finishing something. Myself, I could let down, but not other people. It sucks being the responsible one with a sense of obligation.

But as they say, it has to end sometime. The project will be completed in some state of less-than-perfection. My biggest fear is not so much that we'll miss the deadline as that the project will drag on, launched but incomplete.

We got a cryptic email today that they're waxing the floors in my building this weekend and any weekend workers "should be considerate." I think this means I need to climb in through my window if I plan on working this weekend. Maybe it's just a cue to not work.

Besides, Jojo is coming to town for good. Who can work during such a momentous event?

Wanted: Sleep

I had an amazing night last night, during which I reached a new low in insomnia. Three hours of sleep meted out in 30- and 45-minute intervals. This little episode was totally uncalled for. I could understand if something catastrophic had happened, but really it was just another day in the salt mines. Things went wrong, but there's still time to fix them. I listened to the M.I.A. album about five times yesterday (yeah, I know, I'm sooo 2005). I blame that more than anything. Too many blips and yelps must have upset my sensitive body clock. All I know is, tonight I'm seeking out some medication.

And, a pleasing word

recidivism

Coming up for air

I haven't gone into hiding or run away to the circus -- just been working almost non-stop since late June. In fact there were several weeks of working every day, punctuated by July 4 and this past weekend, when I took a lovely mini-vacation to Little Rock. Not only did I spend time with my friends and their genius offspring, but I also had two nights of uninterrupted sleep on a surprisingly comfortable air mattress.

Two whole nights of good sleep. These days, one night is almost a miracle, and two nights is unheard of. Other highlights: making gazpacho from garden-fresh veggies and sitting on the porch. Turns out tender young cucumbers straight from the garden are much milder and less cucumbery. Makes me want to never go back to the big grocery store ones. The best highlights, of course: holding the sweet new baby and seeing how smart she is, and playing with the 2.5-year-old who now calls me Aunt Shorttina.

The Project is going quite well, except there's just so much of it. I expect to be working weekends through August, which is not a happy thought. My student workers have been awesome, and if anything I have problems giving them enough work to keep them occupied. We've hit some snags that depend on the vendors for resolution, which means we spend a lot of time waiting around. Very frustrating.

Well, this isn't terribly interesting, but at least it's an update. Things are relatively fine over here, and getting better.