Spot-on

Much relief--father's surgery went swimmingly. He has a new, improved pacemaker which is supposed to stimulate the damaged part of his heart. I've been telling him I expect to see him chopping wood next week.

Must admit, my guilty reality-show pleasure this summer has been Hell's Kitchen. I've really only seen a handful of episodes. They're always on right around the time I'm eating dinner. I don't have a TV guide, but they don't even seem to be on the same night. Maybe Fox is doing that "encore presentation" crap. I really don't know. See how it's all left to speculation when you don't have a TV guide?

But, the show is mildly interesting. Mainly, I like the food aspect. I also liked it when they had to set a super-fancy table after not paying attention to the maitre'd's detailed instructions. Serves them right, uncouth bastards. When I was in college, the one well-known aspect about our career counseling was that, when you were a senior, you could sign up for a program on business lunch etiquette. You had to come to the cafeteria in business attire and they would tell you which utensil was which. The program was called "Best Fork Forward." The main draw was that you actually got to eat the catered food from the cafeteria, which was miles above the regular fare. Ten years later, and they still do that program. I don't know if it's still met with as much enthusiasm as it was in 1995. The food is a lot better in the cafeteria every day, so the draw may be smaller.

BUT ANYWAY, getting back to Hell's Kitchen, I've noticed the rude chef guy's catch phrase is "spot-on," which is a hell of a lot better than Emeril's "bam." Those Brits, even their one-liners are better-spoken than ours. I saw part of Notting Hill the other night and wondered if it was written by Brits because Julia Roberts' lines were way to articulate for a Hollywood actress character. She sounded like a buffoon delivering them, too. She can do spunky and sassy, but not articulate. Sorry, folks. (Remember Andi McDowell in "Four Weddings and a Funeral," a very British film written by Brits who can't write American dialogue? It was that bad. Hey, Hughie was in that one, too.)

I'm going to start saying "spot-on."