Palimpsest

Have I mentioned before that I love the word "palimpsest"?

Yesterday I mentioned signs of approaching fall, and today I was rewarded with the first possibility of cooler temperatures. It's supposed to be 64 tonight, woo!

Yesterday I was talking to my boss about the major planning that needs to happen in the next few weeks in order for us to be on track with this new web site. Because of course, launch doesn't mean it's finished by a long shot. She said, maybe you should think about working part of the day in the library or from home.

I scoffed. Of course I can concentrate in my office. I have everything I need here, it's great. I've been nothing but proven wrong since then--constant interruptions with phone calls, drop-by's, emergencies. I've been working my butt off, but on all the wrong things. If I don't focus soon, all the goodwill we've generated with our pretty new site will start to fizzle.

It seems all my friends in the executive realm here are very good about budgeting their time. They are available at certain times of day for phone calls or emails or meetings, but they set boundaries for alone time. They close their doors or work off-site. But I wonder if that's an option for me because, while they have people beating down their doors too, they're not on the front line of service in quite the same way. And they have secretaries. Also, they get up insanely early and work long hours and weekends.

Which leads me to wonder if I would even aspire to a higher position. There is a certain satisfaction in getting tasks and completing them well, but I wish I did have more time to plan, research, think things through. Use my brain without feeling pressed by every minor crisis and task. On the other hand, the things I think of as truly fulfilling have little to do with my job--things like gardening, painting, writing, reading, cooking.

There are good things about my job, too, especially the people. People also are the worst part. People are funny that way. All of this is just to say that once again I'm asking myself what I want to do. I'm not really thinking of leaving my job, not for another few years, at least. It's pretty sweet, and I do need to earn a living. Not sure I could get a better gig that is this lucrative and secure. May keep my eye out for other positions in the same organization, though.

It may just be the restlessness that always precedes fall.